7 Steps to being the Action Hero of your Story
Let Go, you know just “let it go.” What do you mean let it go? I mean let’s face it, it’s easy to say “Let Go” from an outsiders perspective looking in to whatever they perceive you are holding on to, but how do you just Let it Go? Like can you please explain exactly how the heck I’m supposed to do this “Let Go” thing.
Well the question you want to ask yourself is… what are you holding on to that doesn’t make you feel absolutely frickin’ amazing? In other words what are you telling yourself? Let’s just take one step closer… the BRAIN.
Your Story… now what is your STORY? I mean everyone has a story. I was born in 1975 at The Royal… blah blah hospital. When I was 5 I started school, I got stung by a bee at 7, at 11 I won the junior high best sprinter of the year then the following year broke my ankle blah blah… You get my gist.
I’m talking about… what’s your mental story? What do you say to yourself.. Aha, the penny drops! Do you wake up and tell yourself… Wow, you’re looking really good today… and when you get home after a tough day at work give yourself a little standing ovation and say.. Wahoo I made it through! Or do you wake up and have a story like this…
Mmm I really need to loose a bit of weight, I’ve drunk and eaten waaayyy to much recently. I can’t possibly apply for that job or ask for a promotion, I’m not good enough. I’d love to go travelling and go to those places… nah I can’t afford it. I really should get off my bum and go for a run… no my ankle, knee, bum, brain hurts… I can’t do that. I’d love to go after my dream… no I can’t, what will people say? I’d love to learn a new language… me no, I can’t I’m not clever enough. The question you want to ask yourself is, what will you say when you’re near the end of your life… If “I wish I had” is up there… what does that tell you?
We all have shit in our brains that we have told ourselves for years. And do you know what it does…? Keeps us save. Why? Because it’s comfortable, the fear of abandonment, rejection, the unknown is far too great and scary that it stops us from even trying or at least giving things a go.
We are naturally programmed to be fearful and see negativity. Having said that if I said to you at the beginning of the day go and find me as many yellow flowers as you can. When you got back I asked how many red ones did you see? Would you have been looking out for them? Same thing if we are conditioned to look for more negative, we shall find more negativity. However, if we train our brains to seek more positive, is it possible? We remember bad experiences, hardships and pain not to mention the stories of others too and feel how “SCARY” life can be. So any ounce of bravery we do have, we stop daring greatly, we stop challenging ourselves incase we fail, or get laughed at, or get put down, or frowned upon and so the spiral starts. We play small.
To the point where we develop our “Story.” The thoughts we tell ourselves everyday. They either empower us to be brave or keep us safe, they are what we know. We can look at others and say well it was easy for them… they have more money than me, they are more clever, or they had a better up-bringing or or or… Is your story giving you the chance to live the absolute best life you could imagine? Because if those thoughts aren’t, is this really how you want to live?
So where do we begin with this funk in our heads… the cloud of negative self-talk, the naughty monkeys as I call them… the guilt we feel, pain, worry, anxiety, depression, fear of loss, rejection, abandonment. How do we convert those feelings? And “Let Go” as they say or sing in Frozen “Let It Go.”
I have come up with a 7 step process to dealing with those naughty monkeys/ limiting beliefs/ negative self-talk that have helped me. Stop playing the victim and be the action hero!
7 Step Process:
1. Acknowledge… these thoughts just need a hell of a lot of LOVE. Now I know I sound a bit woo woo saying that. But like they say “Love Conquers All.” So for example: “I’m not good enough.” comes in… Greet it like a guest at the door, the naughty monkey has arrived, try and look at each thought objectively. This thought is not you, it does not OWN YOU, it’s just a thought you’ve conditioned and decided up till now does and is an excuse you’ve used in the past that keeps you “safe” and stopped you from doing what you want. So here goes… Oh hey… how’s things going? Thanks for stopping by. Now what can I do for you today?
2. Understand… (The smile and nod)… Listen to their concerns (You’ve got to be a doctor to your naughty monkeys, don’t let them rile you up.) This is about understanding your negative limiting beliefs that you’ve held onto. Where did you come from? What’s been going on? Be kind to these naughty monkeys. Remember kindness kills, don’t get impatient with yourself. This is a very important step. To understand them and…
3. Appreciate… Gratitude. This is all about being grateful for their concerns and opinions. Thank you I’m not good enough, I can’t, I can’t afford it, I’m not clever enough, I’m fat, I’m too ugly, what if, what if they laugh at me, what will people think, what will people say, what if I fail, what if they reject me, what if I’m abandoned, what if they don’t like me, what if I look stupid or silly, what if I mess up or make a mistake. This is your chance to thank them for all their concerns. Give yourself that space to appreciate their worries they’ve given you because it makes you human and challenges you to create an opportunity to become an action hero, dig deeper and use your courage and bravery to turn this around.
4. Action Hero… for every doubt there is a bi-polar opposite. For generations it’s engrained in us to be doubtful and fearful - thats what has kept us safe in the wild. It takes mental courage and bravery to turn these thoughts into positive ones. For every yang there is a ying. This is the exciting bit where you get to do your ultimate power pose and pretend to be your favourite action hero/ heroine. Imagine yourself with that big cape on, crown whatever floats your boat. You are now the hero of your story. Think of all those times in your life where you’ve managed to pick yourself up, all those things you’ve been able to accomplish, what ever they are for example: walking, cycling, swimming, getting through school, passing all those exams, getting your first job, the first time you bought a car, approached a guy/ lady and got their number. Whatever it is: just recall all those memories and let them fill you up to remind you how much you have overcome and accomplished. Then turn to your naughty monkeys and say… you know what I’m actually OK this time. As an act of my appreciation for your concerns, I will reward you each with a banana. And in hero style, open your door and let them go. (OMG there’s the line, it’s actually happening for reals.)
5. Let go… Here it is! You are in your action hero power pose right now, don’t you dare take off your cape. You’ve opened your door and there they are walking down the driveway, keep waving. Let your negative self-talk, doubts and fears go with love, kindness, gratitude for what they’ve taught you and the lessons you’ve learned.
6. Fill yourself up… Wahoo. They have left the building. Now it’s time to have a party and start to cultivate all the positive thoughts you want. Now these naughty monkeys will come back and visit you, I can’t promise they will go away but repeat steps 1-5 each time they knock on your door. Now it’s time to fill yourself up with good thoughts. Creating a gratitude journal is brilliant, a few thoughts each day you are grateful for. Affirmations, doing things you love doing whether that’s dancing, playing sports, watching your fav films, prayers if your religious, hanging out with friends and family that make you feel accepted and love! Now you’ve got so much space in your mind without all those negative thoughts and doubts you can actually start living abundantly and will begin to feel alive!
7. Go Forth… you are now ready in your power pose to say “F*** it, I am now the batman of my life, lion, lioness whatever you want to say and with all the bravery and courage I have, I will go for life… and never look back. My thoughts and actions create my own destiny. (And like a big kid in your power pose say it loud and proud…)
I am the hero of my story!
So go you… go live your frickin’ life the way you want to live it. Think big, be bold. Laugh everyday and do things one day you’ll look back on and say Yes - I did it!
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Your Confidence Coach,